Egads!

I didn’t shop for a swimsuit last year. It was a glorious year. One that will go down in the annals of “I’m not so bad”. It’ll also forever live in the “Denial” file. Just because one doesn’t try on swimsuits in bad lighting does that mean the fat isn’t there? I mean, “if a tree falls in the forest?”…and all that.

Never mind that I was carrying 35 baby pounds (baby included) and people have pity on a swollen beached whale in a cute maternity suit. I think you actually earn points for forsaking your pride to enjoy a dip in the pool.

Never mind that I would be wearing that maternity suit all summer (baby not included). Sympathetic glances turn into questioning stares and then downright disgust. Hey, it’s not my fault the doc didn’t tell me not to eat for two.

Fast forward to now. Now - when the baby is old enough to wear his own suit and play in the water. I am proud to say all of the baby weight is gone. But, before you hate me because I’m one of those women (ah, to be one of those women!), let’s just say the tenant may be gone, but he left behind a mess.

Do we really need to continue this conversation? I mean, do I have to subject myself to the mental and emotional turmoil that even talking about a swimsuit evokes? As a matter of fact, let’s just call it a day. I’m beat, worn out from the walk down memory lane. And really, who needs to cool off in the wicked Texas heat?

My three year old, that’s who.

Her ambitious summer plans include a trip to the beach. Not sure where the idea came from but daily I hear, “when we go to the beach…”. So, I guess we’re going to the beach. And I guess I’m finding a suit. A swimsuit. And I’ll join the ranks of women grumbling in their own private hell in their own private dressing room under the glare of cellu-light.

Now that’s a thought. You would think that if a store actually wants to sell its clothing, it would go out of its way to do the dressing rooms up right. No horrendous “accent” lighting – just a candle and a funhouse mirror. I bet the merchandise would be flying off the shelves.
Just make sure there’s a strict return policy. Or work out a deal with the sun. Tell him the moon would do just fine this year. Everything looks better in the moonlight.