The Wind

Yesterday I laid myself out (literally) before the Lord and asked for Him to meet with me. I have been in such a numb place spiritually. A humanistic view point, really. I had "lost" my spiritual eyes and that makes for very superficial living. I am using the past tense as though it is over and I'm now in a deeply spiritual place. Not so. I'm just being proactive in seeking relationship with God.

I thank the Lord that He stands waiting to meet with us when we call. I called, He responded and that lit a flame of desire.

I pushed through the anxiety that comes so often when I've avoided prayer and stumbled through my jumbled thoughts just hoping the Spirit was interceding on my behalf. I really cling to that truth because more often than not I do not formulate prayers well. My cursed brain runs amok and really has quite the time settling down. Many times I find that writing them out is the only way I can coherently "voice" my prayers.

Anyway, the Lord sweetly brought to mind John 3:8: "Only God's Spirit gives new life. The Spirit is like the wind that blows wherever it wants to. You can hear the wind, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going."

Ah! It struck a deep chord within me and I'm still meditating on that verse today.

I so often am trying to pluck pieces of God to pull into my world at my convenience and put them in their proper place. In trying to do that I am left frustrated and unsatisfied. Whether it's being interrupted by my kids during a particularly "holy" moment (laughable) or God not speaking to me when I've set aside my few minutes to be fed for the day, I am left angry, not refreshed. My best laid plans would crumble before I could even put them into action. And so a cycle would emerge. I'd try, something would inevitable screw it up so I'd retreat.

There's only so much retreating before the heart hardens and shrugs off things spiritual.

So when God brought me the truth and reminder that His Spirit is like the wind, my spirit leapt within me. Liberating! is the first word that came to mind. His Spirit is active; in me, in the world, in others. He cannot be "grabbed". He won't be plucked only to be put in a box. Neither home, nor kids, nor work will hinder Him. He will move about in complete freedom and we only need to embrace that reckless beauty and stand in the midst of it.

And that looks different, everyday, every moment and for every situation. Praise God for that freedom! We're off the hook to make it work, to conjure up spirituality.

"Christ has set us free! This means we are really free. Now hold on to your freedom and don't ever become slaves of the Law again." Galatians 5:1