things i'm bad at...but God still loves me.

everyday i'm bombarded with my lack of ability to be perfect, or even pleasingly good. needless to say, it bugs. so last night when i woke up at 3 in the morning, i started thinking about things i'm not good at. instead of letting it beat me up, i decided to face them head on, admit it and remember that i'm still loved. it was kinda cool and freeing. of course i don't remember my wonderfully witty list, but here are some of the things:

1. corporate prayer: i never really get into the groove nor really focus when a group (church, sunday school, dinner time) is praying. i agree and kinda nod my compliance but i'm not moved to a spiritual place. lately i've figured out that if i lie on the couch on my back with minimal lighting, this is my most focused place of prayer and talking with God.

2. keeping my house clean: i have great expectations - they just remain unrealized. it's a good thing we live in a brand new house. it takes awhile for the dirt to accumulate. and not just dirt, because i've been consistent about cleaning the bathrooms, but it's all the clutter. walk into any room in my house and there is too much stuff laying around. i'm amazed at people who don't seem to have much stuff. where do they hide it all? shawn and i both suffer from throw away anxiety. the minute we toss it - it'll be needed.

3. maintaining a positive attitude: mood swings are my best friend. actually, as i've aged, i've gotten more even but pregnancy has thrown that out the window. little things throw me off balance and i don't recover too quickly. the grumps follow shortly and i'm as serious and burdened as a stone statue. really gotta work on this one.

4. finishing anything i start...

5. conversation: this one just plain frustrates me. i'm way too self conscious and hear myself talking. that gets me distracted and embarrassed and i shut down. plus i have all of these thoughts swirling in my head and that's where they stay. they don't come out in an orderly fashion. there is constant bottle necking. i'm really quite impressed and jealous of people who can just talk - about anything. i can't.

6. turning the tv off: working on this one. so much junk i don't want my 2 year old to see. and, obviously i don't need it anymore than she does.

7. eating: love food. eat too much.

an inexhaustive list and hey, God still loves me, and so does my husband and my daughter. i'm blessed.