now you know..

this blog has given some great insight into how my mind works. i get excited and go gung-ho on something and then - bam! i hit the wall and can barely stomach the idea of continuing the project. that is precisely my frame of mind when i think about adding to this blog. it has been wonderful and a great outlet, but it is something that is now a "supposed to" and i don't wanna play by those rules. i shun responsibility unless i'm in the mood. too sad...

anywho, not on a lighter note, i met a friend of mine at the mall today to "try out" the kid's area. i haven't visited one yet simply b/c the thought of tossing my precious, germ-free (yeah, i know...) offspring into a pit of writhing, dirty, feral beings has been too much. but, this friend called and she and her son were climbing the walls so "did we want to find a place to let them play?"

now, my husband answered the phone and shared a much kept secret that we only recently discovered - Stacy Furniture is like Six Flags to toddlers! I know, don't tell. it'll be our little secret. we recently visited there and you would have thought we took avery to the greatest show on earth. the child would not be contained. she literally worked her way through the acres of sofas, recliners and sectionals, gladly tumbling to the floor so she could roll around and laugh her head off! it was great. we were dying and so excited - we had uncovered a free playground!

anyway, my husband mentions this to said friend and she doesn't really bite, so i say sure, let's go to the mall play area (ugh). about an hour later, we park our strollers and coax the kids into the foam covered pit. the reason i'm recounting this is, you could feel the tension/pretense/insecurity/judgment in that place. i felt like i was in jr. high! moms sat around the edges, watching you, watching the kids, watching you...we have got to be the silliest bunch of goons! we would compare ourselves to a doorpost and find ourselves lacking b/c we aren't as firm, thin and stable as that stupid piece of wood. add a child to the mix and we just have one more thing that we've got to prove makes us important. and don't get me wrong, i am the chief of comparison shoppers. but c'mon, when will we/i realize that there is more going on in life than seeming perfect?

yeah, i know, it ain't gonna happen today. and maybe not tomorrow. but i live for the day when i'm more interested in the people around me b/c they are worthy humans and not b/c i'm thinner or my daughter is wearing a cuter outfit.

(stepping off of soapbox)

and maybe in all honesty, i'm the one who is tense/pretentious/insecure/judgmental and I simply projected my unhealthiness on a bunch of wonderful, well-adjusted, content moms.